WS AU - 2

Cont...

"Mission accomplished. We have the doctor. Captain, do you copy?" The radio crackled.

 James looked over at the radio that had been lost in the scuffle. He was sitting on his knees staring out the hole. It may have been minutes or hours sitting there, the cold air whipping in. Everything was numb and cold as James slowly got up he picked up the brightly colored shield.

In one emotion-filled moment, he almost chucked it out after his best friend. Then everything sharpened for James. Legacy, that was all that was left. Hunting Hydra had been Steve's mission, now it would have to be his legacy.

Scooping up the radio James moved into a quieter train car. "Affirmative Gabe. I copy."

"Sergeant? Where's the Captain?" Gabe ask clearly confused.

James looked back at the gaping hole, "He's gone. Captain down. Stop this train and call in the rest of the Commandos."

 There was shocked silence then, "Yes sir."

The train stopped at the next plateau and the Commandos swept the train. There was a somber feel to them all. They met in the conductor's car. James had clipped the shield to his jacket and all the Commandos gave way to him. Monty nodded when he entered and stepped to the side.

Zola had that infuriating creepy smile on his face that took all of James' strength to not punch him.
"Get him out of my sight before I kill him," James ordered one of the Commandos walking past the doctor.

 "There is a complete map of what is left of Hydra and ballistic blueprints. There is quite a bit of tech that Stark will be thrilled to experiment with. There are also notes on something called Soldat." Gabe explained gesturing to the table full of documents and paperwork.

James picked a file up and stoically flipped through it not really comprehending anything in his hands. The compartment door slid closed with a hiss signaling the separation of the Hydra goons and the Commandos. James tossed the file back on the table and collapsed into the chair.

"What happened?" Dum Dum ask
.
 James heard him but he was not there.
He saw the papers but he did not see.
He was a million miles away starting numbly into someone else's life. He hadn't felt this numb in over a year. Not since he'd been strapped to that cold metal table in the depths of Germany so numb he was beyond recognizing that his prison was collapsing upon him. Then he had had Steve to drag him out of it now, he wasn't.

"Sergeant?" One of the Commandos ask, concerned.

James looked up slowly. He didn't miss the look a few of the older men shared. "They had new machinery. A cross between a suit and a cannon. It accidentally shot out the whole wall. When it blew up it took him with it. Right out." James explained staring blankly at the door across from him, the weight on his back now feeling unbearable.

“But he can't be gone. The man was indestructible with the serum and all." Jim protested in a futile effort to change fate.

James looked over at the fellow Commando "Are you calling me a liar? Because that might not end too well for you." There was a harsh bite in his voice that made the original Commandos glance at each other in concern.

The Sergeant they knew was not this man. This man was near-emotionless and set in one thing, revenge. They were given back up as requested and moved the doctor off to the army base. The Commandos were careful to make sure the sergeant didn't see him. They had a sinking feeling that if even slightly provoked he would kill the doctor. No one could really blame him though.

The backup and rest of Commandos searched the ravines for hours. There was nothing, no blood, no body. After it was dark and negative more degrees than healthy were they able to convince James to stop.

The Captain was gone.

They made it back to the base in the early hours of the morning, missing a leader with no body to send home.

Agent Carter was waiting when they arrived. The prisoners were turned over to the General and the rest of the Commandos headed straight to their barracks.

James stayed though rooted to the spot holding the shield, not the casket. The symbol, not the man.
Carter came forward and that's how they stood heads bowed in respect shield between them.

"I'm sorry." James choked out. The tears he had been holding back came out then. From exhaustion from pain from grief, it all came out. It wasn't pretty he had a hard time breathing and seeing. Even as he lost it he could feel someone tug the shield out of his grasp and wrap their arms around him.

"It's not your fault," Carter assured him. Pulling back they looked at each other arms lengths away she was crying as well. She had lost her lover, him, his best friend. They would both be forever missing a part of them.

Guilt flooded James, "I had him. I had him in my hands."

"Shh. You couldn't have done anything. He made his choice. Honor that." Carter said firmly.

James could feel himself nodding but the guilt was eating at him. Somehow he found himself back at his barrack the noise of his comrades sleeping somehow deafening.

The empty cot beside his own was a hole in normality. James lay the shield down silently on the perfectly made cot. With shaking hands he pulled out the small box secured under the cot. His own cot creaked as he sank into it.

The box opened and the crappy lighting in the room illuminated the contents. James could feel a smile tug at him. Steve still had the ticket stub from the science fair. Looking through the box was walking down memory lane. Photos of Steve's parents, of the Barnes family, of the two of them. Art supplies and odds and ends. James closed the box and set it next to him. Taking a shaky breath he pulled out the sketchbook from under the cot.

Steve hadn't had a lot of time to draw while in the war but somehow the sketchbook was still with him. James wouldn't have dared to open the sketchbook when Steve was alive but now it was like an old companion. The notebooks and sketch pads had been with them since Brooklyn.

 Flipping through there were thumbnail sketches of the camp. Random things. The winged pins the whole squad wore. The Brooklyn Bridge, a compass rose. In the back, there were half-finished portraits of the whole squad including Peggy. Key features were missing in each sketch since Steve obviously hadn't been finished with them. Now they never would be.

James put all the stuff with his own. There was no family to send it back to anyway.
James somehow fell asleep and woke long before anything else was or should be. In the stillness of the morning, it was normal for a moment. The steady breathing of his brothers calming, the cool of the morning before dawn full of hope.

Then the ache of a science experiment rushed through his veins and he was falling back into reality. A reality where Steve wasn't beside him and the war had taken some part of his own being out.

The reality of war.

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