Possibility of Tomorrow - 29

 

Cont...

Darling's body took to the first doses of Extremis wonderfully. She was no longer at risk of internal bleeding and could breathe on her own. They took her off most of the regulators and life support. It did so well she could now get herself from bed to her wheelchair and roll herself around.

 But for all the good it did for the internal, it did nothing for the external. Her whole body was still burnt and painful. The Extremis was almost accidentally designed to heal severe burns, so Shuri and Cho were rightly concerned when it didn't. They were worried that giving her more doses could hurt more than help. The solution they came up with for it wasn't much better.

 They would have to do surgery, remove the useless burnt tissue and then put her into the Cradle and regrow that section. And they would have to work square foot by square foot to accommodate the difference in damage. It was horrifying but their only option. Unless Darling wanted to live in that condition for the rest of her life. 

Bucky wasn't sure she cared. She still wasn't herself, but she was awake more, talked more, and engaged with Shuri and Tony's "intern" Peter and even that Keener person. But not him. 

He was trying not to let it hurt, but it did sting, the fact that she was purposely avoiding him. She didn't talk to him when they sat together. Insisted on rolling herself instead of letting him and had told Shuri he wasn't allowed to stay the night. Here he thought he had been making progress with her, but now it seemed like all that progress was gone. He didn't like it, but her healing easing going to be a straight line.

 So he respected the boundaries she was putting up. He sat with her in silence. Walked with her when she rolled herself through the halls and wished her goodnight before going to his own room. But it didn't seem to help. She was still pushing him away. 

Summer turned into fall, and the cold winds from the Jabari lands were fast becoming biting. Bucky forgot that one night two weeks into Darling's silent streak. He'd left his jacket in her room, and he stood there in the doorway to the gardens trying to decide if going back for it was worth it. 

He'd dealt with cold before, but there was something unique about this cold. It hit you right in the bones and felt like it gripped your soul some days. It brought back bad memories, and it was far enough of a walk back to his hut that those memories would bleed into his dreams by the time he went to bed. 

Sighing, he turned and drugged back inside and retraced his steps back to Darling's room. He was planning on what he would say so she wouldn't get mad at him for coming back when he heard a noise. He was close to her room now, and the sound was most definitely coming from it. It sounded like a small animal crying for its mother or for help. Then he realized it was Darling, crying. 

He froze in the hall. He wasn't good when people cried. He never had been, not with his sisters, not with Steve back when they were kids, and definitely not now. People went out of their way to avoid crying around him. But here was his daughter crying in her hospital bed, thinking he wasn't there. 

Silently he crept into her room and hesitated before wrapping an arm around her and perching on the bed. She was curled up as tight as she could get with her broken body and sobbing so hard her body shook. She jumped when he touched her but dissolved a moment later into more tears and rested her weight on him. 

Tears were streaming down her face, which couldn't be good for her damaged skin, but Bucky didn't say anything. He couldn't rub her back or massage her neck soothingly because of the burns, so he resorted to gently rocking as she sobbed. 

"They're- they're all dead!" Darling sobbed into his shirt. 

Bucky closed his eyes and tightened his grip on her, "I know." 

She was shaking as she cried, "They're gone." 

Bucky shifted, so her head was resting under his chin, and kept rocking, "I know." 

So this was what was wrong. He had been wondering how long it would take for this to come back to torment her. So young. They had all been so young. And now they wouldn't have a chance to do anything more with their lives. They would forever be in the wrong place at the wrong time, believing the wrong things. 

Darling finally ran out of tears and just sat leaning against him, hiccuping, "Sorry." 

Bucky moved for the first time since sitting on her bed, leaning back and over so he could clearly see her face, "Why?" 

"I thought you had left already." Darling admitted looking away and trying to dab away the moisture from her face, "I didn't want to bother you." 

Bucky's heart broke, "Darling, you could never bother me." 

"You didn't want me to begin with, remember?" Darling said dully.

 That stung like he had been slapped in the face. Bucky sighed, "I know. I was wrong." 

"I'm not sure you were." Darling said bitterly, "I'm not strong enough to save anyone, do anything right or prevent the people that get close from getting hurt."

 "Being strong had nothing to do with it."

 "Yes, it does! I'm never going to be as strong as you. I can't just walk away from that life. I can't come to peace with those I'll lose along the way or prevent people from getting in the crossfire!" Darling snapped. She sat there stone still for a long moment, "I just can't." Her voice broken when she finished her thought.

 "Darling," Bucky tried to find the right words to ask the questions he wanted answered, "Is that why you haven't wanted me around? Because you think I'll see you as weak?" 

Darling let out a harsh laugh, "A lot of good that did me. I still end up sobbing into your shirt like a pathetic child." 

Bucky closed his eyes and mentally kicked himself. She was his daughter; this was exactly what he had done when he had first come to terms with what he had done. "Darling," He finally said, looking at her, "You are a child, and that's okay. Strength doesn't come from the absence of weakness but the overcoming of it. And that isn't always constant. Sometimes, sometimes, you need a break to be vulnerable. That's not bad." 

"It's not?" Darling asked, sounding so small. 

"No, it's not. We all need to let out walls down now and then. I still have days when I can't get out of bed." Bucky admitted.

 "Then what do you do?" Darling ask. 

"I remember I have ten little goats to feed, so I roll out of bed, feed them, and then page one of the children from the village to come take them and face plant back in bed." Bucky grinned. 

Darling giggled, "How fun." 

"Yeah, but the point is I get it. But I've worked my way to getting up, even if it is for a few minutes. When I can, I call Steve, and we just talk. Not about what I'm feeling but just to talk. That helps too. So does sitting while Shuri babbles faster than the speed of light or sitting with Romanda in the gardens in silence. It's okay to take some time. But try not to push everyone out. That's not healthy." 

Darling picked at the blanket, watching as she pulled the threads free, "I just didn't want you to think I was too helpless."

 "Darling, I would never. You and I are from the same fabric. We're Barnes. We're unbreakable. Sure we're chipped or cracked but not broken." Bucky said firmly. 

"I'm a Barnes?" Darling asked smiled with hope growing on her face.

 "If you want to be, yes, you are." Bucky smiled, "I'm sorry I didn't say so sooner."

 "I like it, Darling Barnes." Darling grinned, "Very old-fashioned." 

Bucky chuckled and rolled his eyes, "Alright, Ms. Barnes, time for you to go to bed!" 

Darling let him help her get back into bed before stopped, "Will you stay tonight?" 

Bucky smiled and pulled the chair next to her bed closer, "Of course." 

Darling burrowed deep into bed and smiled sleepily as she closed her eyes, "Thanks, dad."

Bucky froze as Darling's smile got bigger. Relaxing slowly, he smiled softly, "Goodnight, daughter."

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