The Price We Pay for Family - 34

 

Cont...

The house seemed empty now, with no agents swarming in it. Sarah was more used to uninformed individuals in her home than she should be. 

Sam and John and the group left early that morning for Ohio, of all places, to find their middle man. The person who knew where her fiancé was. The person who could find him. 

Sarah had thought she'd known hope, but this was something else entirely. It tasted like hope, and it felt like terror. Hope that he would come home. Terror that he wouldn't. Terror that he would, and he wouldn't be the same. 

Sarah tried to play normalcy to the boys, feign that everything was fine and move on. But her boys had always been perceptive even before Bucky had taught them how to see. They knew something was up. 

The way AJ watched her with eagle eyes when she was on her phone or computer. The way Cass automatically did his chores and any other tasks she didn't have time for, all while watching her with worried eyes. 

She saw Sam and her late husband in their eyes as they watched. She saw Bucky and Sam in their actions. 

She wondered for a brief shining moment what her and Bucky's child would be like, the blue-grey eyes of his father, her complexion, his strength. The thousand little things she'd learn and see with them. The future the child would represent. A girl, hopefully, she'd had two shining boys, but it was a boy-heavy household.

 But that was too far forward to dream. There was a chance he wouldn't come home; even if he did, he might not want that. 

So Sarah focused on taking care of her boys, the restaurant, and the house and praying that Sam could find what he was looking for. Because at the end of everything, that was what really mattered, what Sam was really looking for. 

If he looked for the truth, he'd find it. It just might not be Bucky. If he looked for Bucky, they might very well end up with a body. But what Sam wanted from the search, was something Sarah wasn't sure he even knew. 

The truth, his brother in arms, closure, or answers. Whatever it was at the end of the day Sam found, Sarah only hoped it didn't destroy him. He couldn't take much more. 

Bucky was lost out in the darkness, always had been in a way. And when it was all said and done, standing where she was now, all Sarah could ask was Sam not get lost too. 

She loved her fiancé. But she loved her brother too. And at the end of the day, she might only get one of them back. But she tried not to think of that and be supportive of her brother. 

He called that night, and Sarah couldn't help but worry. "How's it going?" She asked quietly as she put dishes away late at night. 

"Pretty good, I think. We found an ally. Someone who's trying to hunt down this Countessa as well. Believe it or not, it's Natasha Romanoff's sister." Sam said, voice muffled over the phone. 

"Wow. I didn't think she had family." Sarah said politely. She'd never met almost any of Sam's old co-workers from before; the Avengers kinda disappeared after the Blip. They'd saved the world and then disappeared. Sarah was pretty sure Natasha Romanoff was dead. Then again, crazier things had happened. 

"Apparently, she had two. Feels like that moment when you realize your girlfriend has another boyfriend you knew nothing about." Sam chuckled, "Anyway, how's it over there?"

 "Pretty good. The boys know something's up. But it's quiet here." Sarah sighed, looking over at the stairs just to be sure her boys weren't trying to spy. 

"Well, they're smart kids. Bound to happen at some point. They stressing?" Sam asked, concern lacing his voice. 

"Not sure. It's hard to tell with them now. They're getting so big." Sarah can't resist signing again as she sinks into the closest chair. It's all so much, and it feels like she's coming apart at the seams from everything. Her boys are too big, her brother too far, and her lover too gone. "Everything's just changing so much, Sam. What do I do?" Sarah whispered into the phone, fighting back a surge of emotion that brought tears to her eyes. 

"You just keep going. One day at a time. That's all anyone can ask, Sarah. Just focus on the next step." Sam says soothingly. Always knowing the right words. 

Sarah takes a deep shuddering breath and wills the tears away, "So what's the next step, got you?" 

"We got a lead on the Contessa. We're gonna pay her a visit." Sam says, adjusting to the change of subject smoothly. 

"And then what?" Sarah asked, thinking of the hollow look in her brother's eyes when he'd left. The burning drive that would burn him out if he wasn't careful. 

"Then it depends on the info," Sam said lightly. Sarah could practically see him shrug in her head, "If it's good, we move. If it's not, we follow another lead."

 "And what if you don't find him?" Sarah asked quietly, tracing the grain of the wooden table with her finger, "What happens if you don't find whatever it is you're looking for out there?" 

"What is that supposed to mean, Sarah?" Sam asked, "I'm looking for Bucky. What are you saying?"

 "I'm saying you're looking for something more than just him. And I'm not sure you know what it is. And I just, I just don't want to see you get lost if you don't find it. Whatever it is. And I don't mean literally. You'll come home. I know you will. But your soul, Sam, it's searching for something out there in the darkness. I just want it to come back in one piece." Sarah said, desperately trying to put her feelings into words.

 The line was silent for a long time before Sam finally sighed heavily, "I'll try, Sarah. I promise I'll try. I-I can feel it too. Something I'm longing for that I don't know. I'm just not convinced it's not the truth of what really happened." 

"I get that. I do. I just don't want you to get destroyed by the answer you didn't see coming." Sarah said softly.

 "I won't." Sam said, sounding so sure of something he couldn't control, "Whatever answer I find, whatever thing I'm looking for, it won't break me. It won't take me from you. I promise."

 Sarah bit her tongue before reporting that he didn't know that and couldn't control it. She thought of the haunted eyes Bucky had had at night. The same ones that came from the veterans that rocked on their pouches on the other side of town. Survivors at a cost. Being the last one standing didn't mean you walked away the victor. But Sarah didn't say any of that; Sam knew it already, and simply nodded slowly even though he couldn't see her. "Okay, okay."

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