Possibility of Tomorrow - 26
Cont...
Third-degree burns all over your body were no joke. By normal standards, Darling wasn't supposed to be alive. But between inherited super-soldier serum, Stark tech, and Wakandan knowledge, she was holding on barely. She was so burnt she was unrecognizable, but she was alive.
They had to put her in a medically induced coma so her body wouldn't give out. It was touch and go, but she was there. And that was what really mattered. Bucky rarely left her side through the weeks. He was glued to her side as if he left, it would all go sideways. The doctors were confident she would wake up, but beyond that, they were unsure. They had no clue what her mental state would be like.
She'd shattered most of the bones in her body. She was on life support. Her body wasn't healing itself and kept rejecting implants. Shuri had said something about possibly using an AIM project to heal the internal organs. She'd also mentioned a Dr. Cho to regrow the rest. But those big names came with a price. They'd have to go to Stark to get it.
Bucky had been understandingly hesitant; Steve and Tony had mended bridges, he and Stark hadn't. But when it came to Darling, he was willing to do about anything. Stark had been surprisingly willing to exchange data and research on those topics. All he asked in return was the data drive Darling had taken from the base.
Shuri had had a field day with Helen and the AIM Project. Bucky hadn't understood a word she'd said, but it had been a welcomed distraction. The only problem was that the Extremis from the AIM Project had unstable results, and while Stark had found a way to neutralize it, no one had found a way to use it without side effects. Shuri and Helen had decided that it was too risky to implement the procedure until Darling was out of the coma. Bucky had agreed. None of them had spoken about the genuine possibility Darling simply wouldn't wake up at all.
She'd broken her back and neck in multiple places, fractured her skull, and shattered almost all her ribs. The swelling in her brain was so bad the MRI and CT scans were useless. There was shrapnel littered all up and down her body. Her legs were a mangled mess, and that wasn't even touching on all the fancy words that described the near-fatal multiple organ failure she had due to blood loss from internal bleeding or her scorched skin. It was a waiting game with an outcome of bad and worse. Bucky tried not to think of that.
Helen and Shuri were optimistic, though. Helen and Shuri were lying. (Bucky didn't have the heart to tell them their heart rate would forever give them away. The fact they hadn't addressed it yet was a false form of bliss, but he wasn't stupid.)
So he waited next to her bedside every day and thought of all the things he wanted to say and had never found the time and tried not to let the guilt eat him whole. Steve came as often as he could to sit with them, but with the Avengers coming together in secret, more and more often, duty was calling him away. But not today.
"How goes the world?" Bucky asked as Steve came in.
"It's still spinning so far." Steve sighed, flopping into a chair next to Bucky, "How's she doing?"
"Nothing new. Her ribs are healed their considering taking her off life support since her vitals are stabilizing. What's up with the others?" Bucky sighed, looking over at Steve, who looked tired.
"Well, Tony's excited about something having to do with Ross, but I can't get a straight answer out of the guy that does sound like science babble." Steve waved his hand, sighing, "They finished the chemical analysis of the Haze, and Tony called it an abomination. She's lucky; between the side effects, withdrawal, and the fact it's flammable, it's a death drug."
Bucky froze at Steve's words, "It was flammable?"
"Yeah. Highly flammable." Steve said on high alert at Bucky's reaction.
Bucky let out a sharp breath before going silent for a long moment, "I think I did this to her."
Steve jerked in shock, "Bucky-"
"No, Steve, this is my fault. I'm the one who let their guard down and got caught. I'm the reason she was there. I'm the one who fired first and missed. This is my fault." Bucky closed his eyes as the guilt wrapped around him, "It's all my fault."
"Look at me." Steve's voice took on a commanding no-nonsense tone. Bucky looked up without thinking about it. "There was nothing you could have done to prevent what happened. Nothing. It's not your fault it's not her's, it's not anyone's but the people who did this. This is on them and no one else."
Deep down, Bucky knew Steve was right. Didn't change the fact the guilt just wouldn't go away, "Okay." That was a weak agreement, and they both knew it. But it was enough.
Steve nodded slowly, leaning back, "I gave another meeting tonight. I'm headed out in fifteen minutes. Just wanted to check on you."
"I'm not a child, Steve, do what you want." Bucky snapped in a flash of irritation.
Steve blinked in shock at the harshness of the words.
Before he could say anything, Bucky broke down, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Bucky buried his face in his hands and pulled his knees closer, making himself small as his shoulders started to shake, "I'm sorry."
Steve was unsure what to do with the whiplash of moods Bucky just went through. Slowly he knelt down so that they were the same height, "It's alright, buddy, I know you didn't mean it."
"I just don't know what to do." Bucky said as he tried to stop crying, "What if she doesn't wake up?"
"Buck-"
"What then, Steve?" Bucky kept going blubbering now, "What if I lost everything I've ever wanted because I was too scared?"
"Then we'll figure it out." Steve said supportingly, "You're not going through this alone."
Bucky looked at him finally, cheeks shining with moisture, "What if she wakes up and doesn't want anything to do with me because of what I did?"
"She won't." Steve said firmly, "If she went through all the trouble of getting you out, she still cares."
Bucky leaned against Steve as he watched the monitors, "You think so?"
"I know so."
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